How I got here

Some people dream of the big house and the big yard with a high paying job and lots of social activities... I don't think that I ever have.

For as long as I can remember, children were what I dreamed of having around me. Starting in my teen years, I planned to become a teacher which I learned really wasn't what I wanted somewhere around the time I took a summer job as a teachers aid for a public school. I was more into one on one time with the babies. If it wasn't a godchild, it was a niece, nephew or boyfriends child but the one thing about them is that none of them were mine and could all move on. If it weren't for the fact that I knew that I wanted a dad that was as close to perfect as possible for my child and I promised my dad that I would be married before I got pregnant.

I finally got engaged at 29 and never thought that I wouldn't have an easy time getting pregnant with my husbands child.

When I went into my gynecologist office to have my consult and to let her know that it was time for me to start trying to make my baby, I was very hopeful and began immediately doing the baby dance during the right time, taking my prenatal vitamins and planning for baby. This was in May of 2007. After a year of trying on our own, in June of 08 she sent me for all the standard blood test, an HSG to make sure my ovaries weren't blocked and had me to do the clomid challenge to make sure I was ovulating. To my surprise and excitement, all of the tests were normal. YAY!!! Now it was time for the hubby to get his semen analysis and that didn't go as well. Thank God for us that although there were motility and count issues, he still had a nice number of little men running around.

Meds were given to clear up part of the motility issue and he was supposed to go back for another test, which never happened. We laid lowed for a little while and out of the blue I missed a period!!! This was in March of 09 and I clearly remember my excitement as two lines popped up on my pregnancy test. all thoughts of holding out until after the 12 weeks flew out the window and we told everyone close to us.

Two weeks later... I saw blood. And then there was more blood. To make a long story short, on April 1st, like an April fools joke, it was confirmed that there was no heartbeat and basically... all I had was an empty sac. It has been a long year and a half since that first pregnancy but by the grace of God, hubby and I made it through and have talked about it and started back trying in August 2010.
As to not stress him out, I've decided to use my blog to chronicle, vent and help me get to have somewhere to talk about my journey. Thanks for taking this ride with me!